Russian President Vladimir Putin on Friday issued a statement that sent shockwaves spiraling through Russian and Israeli intelligence communities, calling Benjamin Netanyahu a “duplicitous lizard creature out to rule the world,” according to a Ministry of Defense official familiar with the incident.
He made the cryptic announcement following receipt of a GRU report that said Kremlin security had identified and detained two Mossad agents that had somehow infiltrated the Kremlin. They had defeated a rigorous screening process and gained employment as security specialists at the Kremlin’s Cyber Security Division, where they allegedly planted false information on Putin’s military strength and feelings toward current geopolitical events into the Federal Security Service’s network. The agents, our source said, spoke fluid Russian, had unimpeachable credentials, and showed advanced knowledge of computer hardware. The Kremlin hired them in August 2017, and they had nearly unrestricted access to the State’s most damning secrets.
They were discovered after a digital footprint linked them to fabricated memos suggesting that Vladimir Putin authorized the creation of hypersonic missiles for a future military campaign on the Ukraine. The computer security system was specifically attenuated to allow Kiev to hack and extract the manufactured data without compromising other network files.
But, our source said, the GRU discovered and secured the breach before the Ukrainians had an opportunity to siphon data from the network.
“No one knows how much damage they caused in the last two years. That is still being assessed. But President Putin knows how to deal with Israeli interlopers. He blames Netanyahu for sending this vermin into our home, and will deal with him accordingly,” our source said.
Moreover, Putin called Netanyahu a “scaly reptile who wants world domination,” perhaps linking him to a reptilian race of shapeshifting extraterrestrials that can allegedly mimic the look and the mannerisms of a human. Some ET researchers claim these deceitful creatures have insinuated themselves into government bodies across the planet.
And, in a shocking twist, Putin named Trump as Netanyahu’s co-conspirator, saying the American president’s tendency to cavort with “women of questionable character” and failure to recognize Netanyahu for “who and what he really is” has irrevocably damaged U.S.-Russian relations.
“Putin has always said Netanyahu is ophidian. If this is literal or figurative, I do not know,” our source said. “He has tried to convince Trump that Netanyahu is a snake. And Trump’s, how do you say, bromance with Netanyahu has caused Putin many sleepless nights.”
News of the spies, Netanyahu, and Trump sent Putin into a histrionic uproar. Often described as being “cool as a cucumber,” Putin purportedly made an uncharacteristic 3:00 a.m. phone call to Defense Minister Sergei Shoygu, in which he lamented Trump’s decision to value Israeli interests over world peace.
“Until recently, they—Trump and Putin—have had a secretly cordial relationship. Netanyahu and Israel have sabotaged this. Putin believes Jerusalem now dictates American foreign policy, that Trump has sold out or been compromised,” our source said.
In closing, he posited that the captured Mossad spies may have been part of a U.S-Israeli initiative to undermine Putin’s presidency and upset the balance of power in the Eastern Hemisphere.