“Nibiru Not Coming,” Trump Tells Mattarella

Wednesday afternoon President Trump and his Italian counterpart, Sergio Mattarella, held a White House press conference to discuss Syria, Turkey, economic growth, and impeachment. They did not, however, publicly speak on a more crucial topic, the impending Nibiru apocalypse, a subject Mattarella broached after he and Trump adjourned to the Oval Office for a tate-a-tate.

A leaked transcript already making rounds through West Wing offices alludes to a sense of urgency in Mattarella’s voice, and somewhat flippant remarks by the President of the United States.

Mattarella asked Trump flatly, “Where is Nibiru? When will it be here?”

“Look, Sergio, I’ll tell you what I’ve told the others. I’ve heard of this Nibiru, and we’ve looked into it. If this Nibiru is real, it’s not coming. It’s not coming our way. We need to worry about Erdogan and Assad, not Nibiru,” Trump purportedly replied.

Asked why Vladimir Putin believes Nibiru will arrive in early 2021 and may in fact be preparing a disclosure speech, Trump allegedly denied allegations of Russian collusion and said Putin had begged him to participate in a joint disclosure.

“Vladimir does his own thing. We can’t oblige his Nibiru information because I’ve been told differently, by a very smart person,” Trump said.

His chief scientific policy advisor, meteorologist Kelvin Droegemeier, had assured him Nibiru posed no threat to Earth.

“And look, Sergio, even if this Nibiru comes here, we can beat it. Beat it back into space. The United States has the most powerful military in the world. The most powerful. Obama tore it down. I rebuilt it. Have you seen the F-35? It zooms across the sky so fast you can’t even see it. No one even comes close,” President Trump said.

“Mr. President, please, we are talking about Nibiru. Not ISIS. No one and nothing can stop it,” Mattarella replied.

“If you’re so worried about this Nibiru, why aren’t you researching it?” Trump asked.

Mattarella gave an astonishing reply. Pope Francis, he said, had issued an edict forbidding Roman scholars from studying the dark star and its orbiting planets.

The Vatican—and the Popes—has long treated Nibiru as personal property, and has harassed, intimidated, or eliminated persons that dove too deeply into the secrets of Nibiru. At one time, it controlled the only two terrestrial telescopes capable of penetrating the dense cloud of red iron oxide dust that surrounds the Nibiru System. The LUCIFER telescope in Arizona and the Tori Del Venti Observatory in Rome are still guarded by the Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword, a Jesuit sect sworn to obey the Pope and protect deep, dark Roman secrets. In the Pope’s name, they actively thwart attempts at public disclosure; although the Vatican’s influence over Nibiru secrecy has diminished in recent years, many Italian scientists keep silent due to threats of Vatican retribution.

Agenzia Spaziale Italiana, the Italian Space Agency, is infested with Vatican spies, Mattarella told Trump, and asked him to share NASA’s research involving Nibiru’s orbital path through the solar system.

“There’s nothing to share. And don’t let Francis threaten you. You’re the president, after all,” Trump said.

In closing, Trump’s aberrant comments should be rigorously scrutinized. He certainly knows of Nibiru’s existence; shortly before taking office, he discovered that Obama had burned nearly 3,000 pages of Nibiru data and hammered a backup thumb drive into dust. Society deserves disclosure, regardless of its fate. Nibiru researchers and whistleblowers have posited a potent reason for the government to conceal an apocalyptic event—an immediate worldwide socioeconomic breakdown. But if Trump is correct, and Nibiru is no threat, why not tell the world and put millions of minds at ease.